Weekdays and Weaklings

Monday’s child is fair of face 
“The day of the silvery moon.” 
“A mundane day for cleansing.” 

“The child a dreamer mooning about, vacantly wandering with a round, full face.” 
“A moonstruck loony you mean, a crazy lunatic, mooning through car windows with bare-faced cheek.” 

Tuesday’s child is full of grace 
“Tiw’s day, the old English god of war corresponding to the Roman war god Mars, the Greek Ares, and the metal iron.” 
“A day of choice and mastication.” 

“A child with easy elegance, kindness and goodwill, granting favour and pardon with mercy.” 
“Gracious! Martians you say, little green men. Pardon me, but what kind of favour are they willing to grant, an iron fist or a chocolate bar?” 

Wednesday’s child is full of woe 
“Woden’s day, the Germanic chief god equivalent to the Scandinavian Odin. Also linked to Mercury, messenger of the Roman gods, identified with the Greek Hermes.” 
“A day of wandering and marriage.” 

“A sorrowful or afflicted child.” 
“Whoa! A blue odd ’un more like, mad as a hatter. A mercurial character from the god of merchandise, theft and eloquence. A miserable accursed wretch, probably because the day’s so hard to spell.” 

Thursday’s child has far to go 
“Thunor’s day, the old English god of thunder or Thor in the Scandinavian. Also associated with Jupiter or father Jove the Roman thunder-bearer and chief god, his counterpart Zeus the thunder god and greatest of the Greek gods, and the metal tin.” 
“A day for fur coats and gorse.” 

“A jovial, joyous child who will reach an advanced level and travel a lot.” 
“Stone me! I’m thunderstruck. A noisy tinpot thunderer rather, who’s a long way off reaching anything. As much behind as a thunderbox chamberpot.” 

Friday’s child is loving and giving 
“Frig’s day, the old English goddess of married love. Corresponding to the Roman goddess of spring and love, Venus, identified with the Greek Aphrodite, and the metal copper.” 
“A hot day for fish and chips.” 

“An affectionate, charitable and generous child.” 
“Liberal, yielding and venerous maybe. As amiable as a Venus flytrap and worth nowt but a few coppers.”

Saturday’s child works hard for a living 
“Saturn’s day, the Roman god of agriculture identified with the Greek Kronos.” 
“A day for sitting around in woodlands with goats.” 

“A child of the Saturnian golden age; happy, pure and simple, striving to provide the bare requirements.” 
“A saturnalian orgy more probably. Studying to contrive a Saturn Uranus lifestyle, or else a lead-poisoned saturnine one, gloomy and grave.” 

And the child that is born on the Sabbath day is bonny and blithe, good and gay. 
“Sunday, the day of the golden sun.” 
“A day for ice creams and young boys.” 

“A cheerful child, splendid, gloriously genial and the centre of attention. Comely and healthy-looking, merry and joyfully heedless, virtuous and well-behaved, lively, bright and playful. I suppose you’ll just see homosexual?” 
“Live and let live, I say, each to their own. What I do see sunshine, is plump and bonkers, merry tipsy, good for nothing, pleasure-loving and dissolute.” 

“That should knock them into the middle of next week.”
“Tha’s that weak tha’s a fortneet!”